A dignified plan for divorce at 70+. Move at your own pace. Bring this to your attorney's first meeting.
Consult an elder-law family attorney
Not a generic divorce attorney. Elder-law family attorneys understand QDROs, Social Security spousal benefits, pension division, and the IRS rules that affect 70+ separations. First consult is usually $200-$400.
Gather 3 years of joint financials
Tax returns, retirement statements, bank statements, deeds, life insurance policies, pension docs. The more complete, the smoother the case.
Open a separate bank account if you do not have one
Direct deposit your own SSA and pension into it. Some seniors have shared finances with their spouse for 40+ years — separating accounts is psychologically harder than legally.
Understand the 10-year-marriage Social Security rule
If your marriage lasted 10+ years, you may be entitled to a spousal benefit on your ex's record — without affecting their benefit. Worth checking at ssa.gov/myaccount.
Divide retirement accounts properly with a QDRO
A Qualified Domestic Relations Order divides 401(k)s and pensions without triggering early-withdrawal penalties. Your attorney drafts it. Costs $500-$1,500 per QDRO.
Decide the family home — sell, buy out, or co-own
Selling and splitting is cleanest at 70+. Buying out the other requires cash or a refi at a higher rate. Co-owning post-divorce gets messy. A real estate attorney + appraiser helps.
Address health insurance gap
If you were on your spouse's employer plan, you have a Special Enrollment Period for Medicare or ACA Marketplace. COBRA bridges 18-36 months but is expensive. The clock starts the day the divorce is final.
Consider mediation or collaborative divorce
Cheaper than litigation ($3,000-$10,000 total vs $20,000-$80,000). Works well when both spouses want to be reasonable. Less appropriate when there is abuse, hidden assets, or one party in poor health.
Update beneficiaries on EVERY account
401(k), IRA, life insurance, pension survivor option, bank accounts, brokerage. Your ex is automatically still the beneficiary until you change it. This is the #1 reason ex-spouses receive money they were not supposed to.
Write a new will and update healthcare proxy
Old will probably names ex as executor, beneficiary, and healthcare proxy. Update all three. Even a basic update with an attorney is $300-$600.
Update deed/title on home, car, anything titled jointly
Quitclaim deed at county recorder for the house. DMV for the car. The divorce decree is not enough — the recording has to happen.
Change passwords and account access
Email, banking, brokerage, social media. The ex still has the passwords. Change them all and use different passwords for each (a password manager helps).
Recalibrate your retirement budget
Two households cost more than one. Review SSA, pension, IRA withdrawals against new expenses. A flat-fee fiduciary advisor stress-tests the new budget for $400-$800.
File a SEPARATE tax return
Your filing status changed Dec 31 of the year you divorced. You file Single or Head of Household. AARP Tax-Aide files free for low-income seniors. Save 7 years of returns from the marriage.
Reconnect with your support network
Friends often picked sides. Adult children may have done the same. Rebuilding takes time. Senior centers, faith communities, and support groups for older divorcees fill the gap. AARP has a national directory.
Therapist or grief counselor
Divorce at 70+ is a real grief. Many therapists offer sliding-scale fees. Medicare Part B covers psychiatry and clinical psychology. Free 24/7 emotional support: 211 connects you to local mental health resources.