When Someone You Love Dies — The Tech Side of Grief
There is no rush. This guide is here when you're ready — not before.
Before you begin
There is no rush. This guide is here when you're ready — not before. Start wherever feels right. Skip what doesn't apply. Come back later for the parts you can't face today. Grief does not move in a straight line, and neither should this list.
The First Week
Only what's truly urgent. Everything else can wait.
Get multiple certified death certificates
Order 5 to 10 or more. The funeral home usually handles this, but confirm the count. Many institutions (banks, insurance, pension, IRS) require an original certified copy — not a photocopy — and will not return it. Running out later means ordering more and waiting weeks.
Primary contacts — only these this week
Social Security (1-800-772-1213, or ssa.gov/survivors). The employer, if they were working. The VA (1-800-827-1000) if they were a veteran. That is enough for the first week. Everything else can wait.
Delay everything else if you can
You will be tempted to "get things done" because action feels better than grief. Resist. Decisions made in the first two weeks are often regretted. Banks, subscriptions, accounts — all of it can wait. Take care of yourself first.
Sharing the News
When you're ready — and only when you're ready.
Social media announcement considerations
Wait until close family has been told directly. Coordinate with the family so the announcement is consistent. Keep it short. Turn off comments if scrolling through reactions feels too much. You can always share more later.
Who tells whom — delegate this
Make a list of who needs a phone call, who needs a text, who needs an email. Assign each group to a family member or close friend. You do not have to make all the calls. Letting someone help is a gift to them too.
Creating a support page (CaringBridge)
caringbridge.org — free, ad-free, private. Post updates once so the whole circle is informed. Accepts meals, visits, and messages in one place. Especially useful when the same question ("how are you doing?") from 80 people becomes exhausting to answer.
Memorial & Funeral Tech
Honoring their life across distance and time.
Online obituaries
legacy.com aggregates obituaries from newspapers nationwide. Your local paper can often post the obituary online for a fee (typically $50–$300 depending on length and paper). The funeral home will usually help draft and submit it.
Live-streaming funerals
Almost every funeral home now offers live-streaming. Ask specifically — do not assume. Share the link with out-of-town family, the infirm, and anyone who could not travel. Most services record it so people can watch later.
Memorial websites
Ever Loved (everloved.com) and Forever Missed (forevermissed.com) host permanent online memorials. Family can add photos, stories, and light virtual candles. Ever Loved also handles memorial fundraising (for medical bills, funeral costs, charities).
Online guest books
Tribute.co and the guest-book features on Ever Loved collect written messages and photo memories from people who could not attend. A printed copy becomes a keepsake the family can read in the quieter months afterward.
Sharing photos with the funeral home
Most funeral directors will request a slideshow of 30 to 60 photos for the service. Upload photos to a Google Drive folder or Dropbox and share the link — easier than emailing dozens of attachments. Give yourself grace if picking photos is overwhelming; ask a sibling or friend to help.
Financial & Legal Tech
The institutions that need to be notified (U.S.). You'll need 5 to 15 certified death certificates depending on complexity.
Social Security Administration
ssa.gov/survivors — report the death (the funeral director usually handles this, but confirm). Survivor benefits may be available for spouses, minor children, and dependent adults. Call 1-800-772-1213.
Medicare and insurance
Medicare is notified through Social Security. Contact all private health, life, auto, and home insurance policies. Life insurance payouts often require certified death certificates — this is one of the big reasons you need so many.
IRS — final tax return
A final federal tax return (Form 1040) must be filed for the year of death. If there is an estate, a separate Form 1041 may be needed. An estate attorney or CPA will walk you through this — do not try to figure it out alone. irs.gov/individuals/survivors-executors-administrators.
Banks and credit
Contact every bank, credit union, and credit card company. Joint accounts usually convert to the surviving owner. Individual accounts become part of the estate. Bring a certified death certificate. Request credit bureaus (Equifax, Experian, TransUnion) add a "deceased — do not issue credit" flag to prevent identity theft.
Mortgage, utilities, and employer
Contact the mortgage company — joint mortgages usually transfer; individual ones require estate handling. Transfer utilities into your name. Contact the employer for final paycheck, unused PTO, life insurance through work, and pension/401(k) administrators.
Pension administrator
Every pension (including state, federal, union, military, and corporate plans) has its own process and its own survivor benefits. Call each one. Many have spousal continuation benefits that auto-lapse if not claimed within a window.
Digital Legacy — What to Do with Their Accounts
Every major platform has a specific process. Take them one at a time.
Apple Digital Legacy
support.apple.com/en-us/HT212360 — if they set this up before death, a Legacy Contact can access their iCloud photos, messages, notes, and files. Requires a death certificate and the Legacy Contact access key. If it was not set up, recovery is possible but far harder — contact Apple Support directly.
Google Inactive Account Manager
myaccount.google.com/inactive — Google's version of a digital will. Next of kin can also request account access with a death certificate at support.google.com/accounts/troubleshooter/6357590. Photos, Gmail, and Drive can be recovered or deleted per the family's wishes.
Facebook memorialization or deletion
facebook.com/help/1506822589577997 — choose memorialization (profile stays up with "Remembering" before the name, no one can log in) or deletion. Requires proof of death. If they named a Legacy Contact, that person can post a final message and manage tribute posts.
Instagram memorialization
help.instagram.com/231764660354188 — similar to Facebook (owned by the same company). Choose between memorializing the account (posts remain but locked) or removal. Requires proof of death and proof of relationship.
LinkedIn legacy
linkedin.com/help/linkedin/ask/ts-rdmlp — next of kin can request profile removal or memorialization. Useful to stop colleagues from messaging months or years later, unaware.
Other major platforms
Twitter/X, TikTok, Snapchat, Pinterest, and others each have a deceased-user process. Search "[platform name] deceased user" and follow their form. Have the death certificate scanned and ready to upload.
Preserving Their Digital Life
Do this BEFORE closing anything. Once it's gone, it's gone.
Download photos from cloud before closing accounts
Do this first. Apple iCloud, Google Photos, Amazon Photos, and Dropbox all let you download everything as a ZIP. If you close the account before downloading, the photos are often permanently gone. This step alone is worth the effort — photos of them are what you will reach for most.
Save voicemails
Google Voice lets you download voicemails as audio files directly. On iPhone, use the Voice Memos trick: play the voicemail on speaker while recording on another phone, or use an app like VoCap or iMazing. Saving a voicemail of their voice saying "hey, it's me, call me back" is priceless later.
Save emails they sent you
In Gmail, open the email → three dots → Print → Save as PDF. In Outlook, File → Save As → PDF. Save important emails — birthday messages, advice, the ordinary ones — into a folder on your computer. You will want them someday.
Keep their text messages
iPhone: back up the phone to a Mac or to iCloud while their phone is still active — do not let the account suspend. Android: SMS Backup & Restore (free app) exports every text message to a single file. Print out favorite threads. Text messages are the modern love letters.
Subscriptions to Cancel
The monthly auto-charges that keep draining the estate if no one stops them.
Streaming services
Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, HBO Max, Prime Video, Apple TV+, Spotify, Apple Music — each one charges monthly until cancelled. Most can be cancelled online; a few require a phone call. Before cancelling, check whether you want to keep the account (sometimes family plans include you).
Cloud storage — before you lose their photos!
iCloud, Google One, Dropbox, OneDrive — these auto-charge and eventually auto-delete the account if payment stops. Cancel storage ONLY after you have downloaded everything. Losing a decade of photos to an auto-deleted iCloud account is one of the most common and most painful mistakes.
Gym memberships
Most gyms require a phone call, a written letter, or an in-person cancellation. Bring a death certificate. Many will refund the most recent charge. Planet Fitness, Equinox, and LA Fitness each have a specific process — search "[gym name] cancel deceased."
Magazine and newspaper subscriptions
Check their mail for a week to catch the ones you did not know about. Each publisher has a customer service number on the back of the invoice or in the magazine itself. Usually a quick call.
App subscriptions
On iPhone: Settings → their Apple ID → Subscriptions. On Android: Play Store → profile icon → Payments & subscriptions → Subscriptions. These are the sneaky ones — apps charging $4.99/month forever. Cancel what you can; the rest stop when the credit card is closed.
Ongoing Grief Tech
The support that matters most often shows up weeks or months after the funeral.
Grief support apps
Empathy (empathy.com) is the most comprehensive — combines logistics, grief support, and access to grief specialists. Untangle is focused on community and peer support. GriefShare (griefshare.org) is faith-based and groups-based, with in-person and online meetings.
Online grief groups
Many grief groups now meet on Zoom, which means you can attend without leaving the house on hard days. The Dinner Party (thedinnerparty.org) is specifically for people in their 20s, 30s, and early 40s who have lost someone. Modern Loss has online community and essays.
Local hospice grief programs
Almost every hospice organization offers free bereavement support for 12 to 18 months after a death, and you do not have to have used their hospice service to qualify. Call your local hospice and ask. Many offer groups, 1-on-1 counseling, and specialized groups (widow/widower, child loss, sudden death).
Therapy — grief-specific
Psychology Today (psychologytoday.com) lets you filter therapists by specialty ("grief," "bereavement," "complicated grief"). BetterHelp and Talkspace are online-only options. Most grief therapy is covered by insurance, Medicare, and Medicaid — ask about coverage when you call.
If the Loss Is Overwhelming
Please use these. You are not being dramatic. Grief can take a person under.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or text 988 — 24/7, free, confidential. You do not have to be actively suicidal to call. Any kind of crisis-level distress qualifies. They will listen, not rush, and help you get through the night.
Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741. Text-based for people who cannot talk out loud. Available 24/7, free, confidential.
Local grief hotlines
Many hospice organizations and counties run grief hotlines with trained volunteers. Search "[your county] grief hotline" or call 211 (the national social services line) and ask.
You'll find your own timeline.
Take all the time you need. The logistics will still be there tomorrow, and next week, and next month. The person you lost would want you to be gentle with yourself. We'll be here when you're ready to tackle any of it — or when you just need someone to walk through it with you.