After Losing Your Partner
What to do with their technology — when you are ready.
There is no rush.
Take your time. This guide is here when you are ready — not before. Most of these tasks have no deadline. The ones that do are listed first.
Only what is urgent
These are the few things that really do matter in the first month. Everything else can wait.
Get certified death certificates
Order 10–20 certified copies from the funeral home or your county vital records office. Every account closure, pension, and insurance claim will ask for one. Better to have extras than to reorder.
Notify Social Security
The funeral director usually does this, but confirm. If not, call 1-800-772-1213. Survivor benefits may be available to you — they have a dedicated team at ssa.gov/survivors.
Contact their employer or pension plan
Employer life insurance, final paycheck, unused PTO, and 401(k) rollovers all need to start. HR will guide you. Pensions often have survivor benefits that continue for you.
Continue paying the critical bills
Mortgage, utilities, car insurance, health insurance. Do not rush to close anything. Use their checking account if you have access and can legally do so — your attorney will confirm what is okay.
Everything else can wait
Credit cards, email accounts, subscriptions, social media — these all still function and are not emergencies. You have months, not days.
Make a list of their digital life
Do this on paper or in a notebook. Writing it down gives you something to work from. You do not need to do anything with it yet.
Email accounts
Gmail, Yahoo, Outlook, iCloud, work email
Phone and computer passwords
Check for a written password book in their desk or nightstand. Many people keep one even if they never told anyone.
Online banking logins
Chase, Bank of America, Wells Fargo, local banks, credit union
Investment accounts
Fidelity, Vanguard, Schwab, employer 401(k), old rolled-over IRAs
Social media profiles
Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter/X, TikTok
Subscription services
Netflix, Spotify, Amazon Prime, gym apps, dating apps, newspaper subscriptions, cloud storage
Loyalty and rewards
Airline miles, hotel points, credit card rewards, grocery rewards
Cryptocurrency (if any)
Coinbase, Kraken, hardware wallets. Needs the private keys or seed phrase — without them, crypto is permanently lost.
Cloud photo storage
iCloud Photos, Google Photos, Dropbox, OneDrive, Amazon Photos
Accessing their phone
Phones are where most of daily digital life lives — photos, messages, apps. Here is how to get in, legally.
Apple Digital Legacy Contact
If your spouse set this up in advance, you already have what you need. Go to apple.com/legal/digital-legacy with the access key and a death certificate. You get a copy of their photos, notes, emails, and data.
apple.com/legal/digital-legacy
Apple — no Legacy Contact set up
You can still request access, but it requires a court order naming you as the personal representative of the estate, plus a certified death certificate. This can take months. An estate attorney makes it faster.
Contact Apple Support
Google Inactive Account Manager
If your spouse set this up, Google will automatically share data with the people they named after a period of inactivity. Check at myaccount.google.com/inactive if you have any of their other login info.
myaccount.google.com/inactive
Google — requesting access
Go to support.google.com and search "access deceased person account". Requires death certificate, ID, and proof of authority (estate docs). Google decides case by case.
support.google.com
Getting into their email
Email is often the key to everything else — password resets, bills, contacts. Each provider has its own process.
Gmail
support.google.com → "Request information from a deceased person's account". Google has a formal process with three stages. Requires death certificate, your ID, and in many cases court documents.
Outlook / Microsoft
Microsoft's "Next of Kin" process — support.microsoft.com. Requires death certificate and either proof you are the executor or proof of your relationship. They send data on DVD, which feels dated but is how it works.
Yahoo
Yahoo does NOT transfer accounts to family members as a policy. You can request the account be deleted. Some data may be preserved if a court orders it.
iCloud / Apple Mail
Same as Apple Digital Legacy process. Without a Legacy Contact, a court order is usually required.
Social media accounts
Some families want the profile kept as a memorial. Others want it closed. Both are valid. There is no deadline on this decision.
Facebook — Memorialize
Keep the profile as a memorial. Friends can post memories, but nobody can log in. "Remembering" appears next to their name. Request at facebook.com/help/memorialization.
Facebook — Delete
Remove the account entirely. Requires death certificate. Some family members prefer this — no wrong answer.
Same options as Facebook (memorialize or delete). Go to help.instagram.com and search "deceased". Requires death certificate.
LinkedIn has a "Deceased Member" form — linkedin.com/help. Removes the profile or memorializes it. Takes a few weeks.
Twitter / X
Account deletion only — no memorialization. Submit at help.x.com with death certificate and your government ID.
Financial accounts
Each institution has a survivor process. A death certificate and patience are the main things you need.
Banks and credit unions
Call each bank, notify them, send a certified death certificate. Joint accounts typically pass to the surviving spouse automatically. Solo accounts become part of the estate and may need probate.
Investment accounts
Fidelity, Vanguard, Schwab — each has a survivor process. If you were named as beneficiary, the transfer is usually quick (weeks). If not, probate.
Credit cards
Notify each issuer. They freeze the account. Authorized user cards stop working. Any balance typically comes out of the estate, not your personal assets (check with an attorney).
Life insurance claims
Contact each insurer directly with a certified death certificate. Turn-around is usually 30–60 days. Employer group life insurance is separate — HR handles that.
Cryptocurrency
Without the private keys or seed phrase, crypto is usually permanently inaccessible. If you find a hardware wallet, recovery words on paper, or notes about Coinbase/Kraken, keep them safe and consult a crypto-savvy estate attorney.
Subscriptions to cancel
Look through their last six months of credit card and bank statements. Every recurring charge is a subscription. Cancel the ones that were only theirs.
Streaming services
Netflix, Disney+, Hulu, HBO Max, Apple TV+, Paramount+, Peacock
Music and audio
Spotify, Apple Music, Audible, SiriusXM
Apps
Look at their App Store / Google Play subscriptions — many have auto-renewing app subscriptions they forgot about
Gym and fitness
Planet Fitness, Peloton, apps like MyFitnessPal, Strava Premium
Cloud storage
iCloud+, Google One, Dropbox, OneDrive — download data BEFORE cancelling
Delivery and shopping
Amazon Prime, Instacart, DoorDash DashPass, meal kits
Preserving the memories
Do this before closing accounts. Once the account is gone, the data usually goes with it.
Download their photos first
Before closing any account, download everything. Google Takeout (takeout.google.com) exports Gmail, Photos, Drive, YouTube, and everything else as a ZIP. For iCloud Photos, download to a Mac or PC first.
Save important emails
Love letters, family updates, life events. Export key emails to PDF or forward them to your own account before you lose access. On Gmail, use Google Takeout to download the entire mailbox.
Export their text messages
iPhone: use an app like iMazing to save iMessage threads as PDF. Android: Google's backup includes texts. Text message threads are often the most day-to-day memories of a relationship.
Voicemails
Save voicemails from them before cancelling the phone line. iPhone: long-press voicemail → Share → Save to Files. Android: tap the voicemail → Save. These become precious.
Shared photo albums
Transfer shared iCloud albums to your own account. In Google Photos, shared libraries can be converted to your personal library. Do this before closing their account.
Legal resources
A small amount of legal help goes a long way. Even a one-hour consultation will save you weeks of confusion.
Find an estate attorney
Probate, asset transfer, and debt handling — an estate attorney is worth the $1,500–$5,000 fee for anything beyond a simple joint-ownership situation. Ask at the funeral home or your bank for a referral.
Probate basics
Probate is the court process of transferring assets from the deceased to heirs. Joint property and named beneficiaries usually skip probate. Individual assets with no beneficiary typically go through it.
LawHelp.org
Free legal aid directory by state. If you cannot afford a private attorney, LawHelp points you to pro bono and sliding-scale resources in your area.
AARP Legal Services
AARP members get discounted legal consultations — often free initial reviews. legal.aarp.org. Very useful for the quick questions estate attorneys would charge you for.
Grief support
You do not have to carry this alone. Free support exists everywhere if you want it.
GriefShare
In-person and online support groups, 13 weeks. Led by trained facilitators. Christian framing but open to all faiths. Free or by donation. griefshare.org.
AARP grief and loss resources
aarp.org/caregiving/grief-loss — articles, a supportive community, and practical checklists for widows and widowers. Designed for adults over 50.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or text 988 any time. Widowhood is one of the highest-risk times for depression and suicidal thoughts. This is a judgment-free, free, 24/7 line.
Local hospice grief programs
Even if hospice was not involved in the death, most hospice organizations run free grief support groups open to the whole community. Call any local hospice and ask.
Widow's support groups (local)
Your local senior center, community center, or place of worship likely hosts in-person groups. People who have lived through it understand in a way other friends cannot.
We can help you with any of this
Sitting down with someone patient who understands the technology can turn hours of confusion into one calm conversation. Book a session whenever you are ready.