Your Adult Child's Debts, Accounts, and Pets: What You Are and Are Not Responsible For

In the weeks after an adult child dies, an older parent may find themselves on the phone with credit card companies, landlords, banks, the cable company, the auto loan office, and the local humane society. Some of those callers will be patient and kind. Some will be aggressive, suggesting the parent is responsible for debts they are not. The single most important thing for an older bereaved parent to know is this: in nearly every state, you are not personally responsible for the debts of a deceased adult child unless you co-signed for them. Debts of the deceased are paid by the deceased's estate. If the estate has no money, most debts go unpaid and the creditor must legally write them off.

The federal Fair Debt Collection Practices Act protects family members from being told they must pay a deceased relative's debts out of their own pocket. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau publishes a free guide for surviving relatives that an older parent can hand to any aggressive caller. Federal student loans are discharged at death under a 2018 law — the lender needs a death certificate and nothing more. Private student loans vary, but most major lenders now also discharge at death. Check the loan paperwork or call the servicer.

The accounts side of the problem is different. Banks, brokerages, retirement accounts, and digital accounts each have their own process. Joint accounts pass to the surviving owner automatically. Solo accounts go through probate, which a probate attorney or the local probate court can guide. Many account types use a Transfer on Death or Payable on Death beneficiary designation that bypasses probate — check every statement for these designations.

Then there is the question of pets. The American Veterinary Medical Association estimates that 67 percent of adult households in the United States include a pet. When an adult child dies suddenly, their dog or cat may end up at a parent's house overnight without warning. Pets are legally personal property under state law, which means they pass through the estate. An older parent has the right to either keep the pet, rehome it, or surrender it to a no-kill shelter. There is no shame in any of those choices and a 78 year old with arthritis is not obligated to take on a young Labrador.

Sources include the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau guide for surviving relatives, the Federal Trade Commission article on debts after death, AARP's guide to settling an estate, the United States Department of Education federal student loan discharge page, and the American Bar Association consumer estate planning guide.