Tips & Tricks

Intermediate

6 min read 7 stepsMay 9, 2026Verified May 2026

Raising Your Grandchildren After Losing Their Parent

When an older parent becomes the primary caregiver after a son or daughter dies. Legal, emotional, and practical first steps.

At a Glance

Get legal authority before everything else

~34s

Within the first weeks, see a family law attorney to set up at minimum a temporary guardianship. Many state bar associations offer free legal aid for kinship caregivers over 60 — call the state bar referral line and ask for kinship or grandparent guardianship help. Bring the death certificate, the child's birth certificate, the child's Social Security card, and any will or written wishes from the deceased parent. Without this paperwork, schools, hospitals, and insurance companies may refuse to deal with the grandparent.

Warning

Important: Do not assume that because the grandparent is the only living relative, authority is automatic. It is not in any state.

Apply for Social Security survivor benefits

~25s

Call the Social Security Administration at 800-772-1213 or visit ssa.gov. Each unmarried child under 18, or under 19 if still in high school, of a deceased parent who worked enough to qualify for Social Security is entitled to monthly survivor payments. The grandparent applying as representative payee receives the funds on the child's behalf to spend on food, clothing, school, and shelter. Apply as early as possible because back pay is capped at six months.

Enroll in health insurance and Medicaid for the child

~25s

Most states allow a child whose parent has died to receive Medicaid based on the child's own circumstances, regardless of grandparent income. Apply through the state Medicaid office. If the grandparent has employer-provided or retiree health insurance, ask the human resources office how to add the grandchild — many plans allow this when there is a court-ordered guardianship. The Children's Health Insurance Program covers many families above Medicaid limits as well.

Build a school team for the child

~36s

Within the first month, schedule a meeting with the child's teacher, school counselor, and principal. Bring the death certificate and guardianship papers. Ask about grief counseling at the school, what teachers will be told, and whether the child qualifies for a 504 plan or other supports during the adjustment period. Many districts have a Homeless Liaison who can also help families in kinship care access transportation, school supplies, and tutoring even when housing is stable.

Quick Tip

Quick Tip: Ask the school for written contact information for every adult in the child's school day. A bereaved grandchild may have a hard moment that a substitute teacher does not know how to handle.

Find the grandfamily support network

~23s

Generations United at gu.org runs the GRAND Voices network of grandfamily caregivers. AARP's GrandFamilies Guide is free online and at AARP chapter offices. Many states have a Kinship Navigator Program with a single phone number that connects to housing, financial, legal, and emotional support — search the state name with the words kinship navigator. Peer support from other grandparents raising grandchildren is the most cited factor in long-term stability.

Protect the grandparent's own health and rest

~26s

An older grandparent who pushes through the first year on adrenaline and grief often crashes physically in year two. Schedule the routine medical screenings — blood pressure, A1C, mammogram, colonoscopy, fall risk assessment — even if it feels impossible to take the time. The child's stability depends on the grandparent staying healthy. Many state Area Agencies on Aging fund respite care that gives the grandparent a weekend off. Find the local agency at eldercare.acl.gov or by calling 800-677-1116.

Talk with the child about their parent

~28s

Children do best when the deceased parent stays present in conversation, photographs, and stories. Hold a small ritual on the parent's birthday, the death anniversary, and major holidays. Keep a photo of the parent in the child's bedroom. Use the parent's name — not only mom or dad. The National Alliance for Children's Grief at childrengrieve.org publishes free age-by-age guides on how to talk with bereaved children, and Camp Erin and the Dougy Center run free or low-cost grief camps in many states.

You Did It!

You've finished reading: Raising Your Grandchildren After Losing Their Parent

How well did this guide stick with you?

Need more help? Book a TekSure tech

When a parent dies in their 40s or 50s, the surviving children are often still minors or young adults. In many families the grandparents step in as the primary home. According to the United States Census Bureau, about 2.4 million grandparents in the country were responsible for grandchildren living with them as of 2023, and a large share of these placements began with the death of a parent rather than a planned arrangement. The phrase used by social workers is kinship care, which covers any setup where a relative is raising a child whose parents cannot.

For an older bereaved parent already carrying the loss of their adult child, taking on the daily care of an 8 year old or 14 year old is the second cataclysm. The grief and the parenting do not take turns. They happen at the same time. Many grandparents report that the children's grief is louder and more visible, leaving the grandparent's grief pushed to the side until 9 PM when the house finally goes quiet.

The legal pathway matters as much as the emotional one. Without formal guardianship or custody papers, the grandparent may not be able to enroll the child in school, sign for medical care, add the child to insurance, or receive Social Security survivor benefits on the child's behalf. Each state has its own process. The most common arrangements are temporary guardianship, permanent guardianship, kinship foster care, and adoption. A free or low-cost consultation with a family lawyer is the starting line. Many areas have a Kinship Navigator program that helps for free.

Financial support exists but must be requested. Social Security pays survivor benefits to minor children of a deceased worker — apply through the Social Security Administration as soon as possible, since back pay is limited. The Supplemental Nutrition Help Program, Medicaid, and the Children's Health Insurance Program have separate eligibility rules for grandparent-headed homes that often help even when the grandparent's own income would not qualify them alone.

Sources include the Generations United State of Grandfamilies report, the American Bar Association Center on Children and the Law, AARP's GrandFamilies Guide, the Brookdale Foundation Relatives as Parents Program, and the Social Security Administration survivor benefits page.

Rate this guide

How helpful was this guide?

grandparents

kinship-care

raising-grandchildren

child-loss

guardianship

seniors

Official Resources

How-To Geek AARP Technology Tips Tom's Guide — Tips

Sources used to create and verify this guide. View all sources →

← Previous

The Compassionate Friends: Peer Support for Bereaved Parents and Grandparents

Your Adult Child's Debts, Accounts, and Pets: What You Are and Are Not Responsible For

Still stuck? Let a pro handle it.

A real person can walk you through this over the phone, anywhere in the US. If we can't fix it, you don't pay.

Book a Verified Tech How It Works

Learn more from official sources

Related Guides

iPhone: Battery Saving Tips

Make your iPhone battery last longer with these proven tips and settings.

1 min read

iPhone: Safari Browser Tips

Get more out of Safari on iPhone with these hidden features and shortcuts.

1 min read

iPhone: iMessage and Texting Tips

Hidden iMessage features that make texting more fun and productive.

1 min read