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    7 min read 8 stepsMay 9, 2026Verified May 2026

    Writing a Letter of Intent: The Parent's Guide to Your Adult Child's Life, Preferences, and Routines

    A letter of intent is not a legal document. It is the most loving handoff a parent can write for whoever cares for their adult child next.

    At a Glance

    Category
    Tips & Tricks
    Difficulty
    Beginner
    Read Time
    7 min read
    Steps
    8
    Topics covered
    letter-of-intent
    lifelong-caregiver
    disability
    future-planning
    family-legacy

    In this guide (8 steps):

    1. 1.Section one: Who they are as a person
    2. 2.Section two: Medical and health history
    3. 3.Section three: Daily routines and what they cannot tolerate
    4. 4.Section four: Education, work, and day program history
    5. 5.Section five: Family, friends, and the circle of support
    6. 6.Section six: Hobbies, joys, and the things that make a good day
    7. 7.Section seven: Spiritual life and personal values
    8. 8.Section eight: Final wishes and the legal location guide
    1

    Section one: Who they are as a person

    ~30s
    Open with the basics, then make them human. Full legal name, date of birth, place of birth, and a paragraph about who they are. What lights them up. What they take pride in. The first words anyone who loves them would use to describe them. Photos are welcome here. Many parents include a recent photo, a childhood photo, and a photo with their best friend.

    Quick Tip

    Quick Tip: Have your adult child help write this section, in any way that fits their communication style. Their voice in their own letter matters.

    2

    Section two: Medical and health history

    ~38s
    List every diagnosis, every current medication with dosage and timing, every allergy, every past surgery or major hospitalization, and every clinician they see (name, address, phone, and how often they go). Note what works in a medical setting and what does not. Some adults need a quiet exam room. Some need a particular nurse they trust. Some need their favorite music playing during a blood draw. The next caregiver will save hours of trial and error if you write this down.

    Warning

    If your adult child has had bad experiences with specific medications, restraints, or providers, write that down clearly with dates. Patterns from the past have a way of repeating in new settings if no one knows the history.

    3

    Section three: Daily routines and what they cannot tolerate

    ~25s
    Describe the rhythm of a normal day. Wake time, breakfast, morning routine, day program or job, lunch, afternoon, dinner, evening, bedtime. Include what they wear, what they like to do during transitions, and how they communicate hunger, tiredness, or pain. Then write down the things that will go badly: noises, smells, foods, words, situations. The list of what to avoid is often as valuable as the list of what to do.
    4

    Section four: Education, work, and day program history

    ~20s
    List schools, programs, day services, vocational supports, and any work history. Note what worked and why, and what did not and why. Future case managers will reach for this section often. If your child has a current Person-Centered Plan or ISP from their day program, include the most recent version or note where it is kept.
    5

    Section five: Family, friends, and the circle of support

    ~29s
    Name every person who matters in your adult child's life. Family members and how often they visit, friends from school or work who have stayed in their life, the direct support professional who became a real friend, the priest or rabbi or pastor who knows them, the neighbor who waves every morning. Include phone numbers and how each person prefers to be contacted. This is the network the next caregiver inherits, and the more visible it is on paper, the better it will be tended.
    6

    Section six: Hobbies, joys, and the things that make a good day

    ~27s
    Write the things that make your adult child happy. The shows they watch. The music they love. The food they ask for on their birthday. The places they want to visit. The pets, past and present, who matter. The objects that comfort them. Every group home, host family, or future caregiver should be able to give your child a good Saturday in their first week, because you wrote down what makes a good Saturday.
    7

    Section seven: Spiritual life and personal values

    ~24s
    If your adult child has a faith tradition, write what it means to them and what practices matter. If they value certain holidays, traditions, or family rituals, write them down. If they have asked specific questions about death, an afterlife, or what happens when you are gone, write what they asked and what you told them. Future caregivers will not know to honor these things if you do not name them.
    8

    Section eight: Final wishes and the legal location guide

    ~43s
    Close the letter with practical guidance for the day after you die. Where the will is kept. Where the Special Needs Trust documents are. Where ABLE account information is stored. Where the latest list of passwords is. The attorney's contact information. The funeral wishes you and your adult child have discussed. The letter of intent is not a legal document. But it is often the first thing the next caregiver reads, and pointing them to the legal documents from inside the letter saves time and confusion.

    Quick Tip

    Quick Tip: Keep one paper copy in a fireproof box at home, one with your attorney, one with your designated guardian or successor caregiver, and one digital copy in a password manager or trusted family cloud storage. Tell at least three people where the copies are.

    You Did It!

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    Of every document a parent of an adult child with a disability writes, the letter of intent is the most personal. It is not signed by an attorney. It is not filed with a court. It does not move money or transfer rights. What it does is something no legal document can do: it tells the next caregiver who your adult child actually is. Their full name, yes, but also the way they look when they are happy. The exact wording that calms them in a hospital. The food they will refuse no matter how hungry they are. The Christmas song they have loved since 1978. The way they hold their coffee cup. The friend in third grade who became their best friend for 40 years.

    The letter of intent is for the day you are no longer the person filling in those details. It might be a new direct support professional at a group home, a sibling who will become primary guardian, a niece who has stepped in unexpectedly, or a case manager you have never met. Without the letter, that next person has to learn your adult child from scratch, often during the most stressful time in your child's life, with no one to ask the questions that only you can answer.

    The Arc and most disability-focused estate planning attorneys recommend a letter of intent of 15 to 30 pages, written by the parent in their own voice. There is no required format. What follows in this guide is a structure used by The Arc Center for Future Planning, with the eight sections that experienced future-planning coordinators have found most helpful. You do not need to write it all in one sitting. Most parents write it section by section over a year or more. What matters is starting.

    The tone of the letter should be warm, specific, and respectful. Your adult child is the subject of the letter, but the letter is written for the reader who will care for them next. Keep that reader in mind. They are inheriting decades of your knowledge in the few hours they take to read your words. Make every page count.

    Update the letter every year on your adult child's birthday. Medications change. Friendships change. Daily routines change. A letter from five years ago is still valuable. A letter updated last year is much more so.

    (Sources: The Arc Center for Future Planning at futureplanning.thearc.org; AAIDD Life Planning resources; Special Needs Alliance — Letter of Intent templates; Sibling Leadership Network)

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