Fostering Teenagers as an Older Adult: Why Teens Often Thrive With You

Teenagers are the hardest population to place in foster care. About 27% of all children in U.S. foster care are between 13 and 17. But they represent fewer than 8% of new placements with foster families each year. Most teens in care end up in group homes, residential treatment facilities, or repeated short-term placements. The reason is that younger foster parents — couples in their 30s and 40s with young biological children at home — generally cannot or will not take teenagers. They worry about behavior, about influence on their own kids, about disruption. Those concerns are not irrational. But they leave teens with nowhere to go.

Older foster parents change the math. Adults over 60 are often empty-nesters with grown children and a quiet house. They have raised teenagers before (often the difficult years are decades in the past, which gives them perspective rather than fresh trauma). They are usually retired or semi-retired, which means they are physically present after school when a teen needs to talk. They are not chasing their own toddler, not worried about a younger sibling absorbing bad influences, and not trying to enforce nap times. The teenager has a calm house, a stocked refrigerator, and an adult who has the bandwidth to actually listen.

What caseworkers see again and again is that the grandparent-aged dynamic works. The relationship feels different from a parental one. It is less intense, less authority-driven. A 16-year-old who would fight a 35-year-old foster mom about every rule often responds well to a 68-year-old who calmly says I would rather we did it this way, what do you think. The lower-pressure tone fits teen development. Many teens in care have been parented poorly and react to anything that feels controlling. An older adult who has learned, through raising their own children and grandchildren, when to push and when to let it go, navigates that better than a newer parent.

There are practical advantages too. Teens need rides to jobs, to therapy, to court hearings, to sporting events. A retired foster parent can show up for all of it. Teens need help with college applications, FAFSA forms, driver's permits, and bank accounts. Older adults have lived through these processes themselves and can guide a 17-year-old who has no parent doing it for them. Teens also need adults who remember adolescence as something they survived, not something currently happening to their own kids. Older foster parents tend to take fewer things personally.

The needs of teens in foster care are heavy. Many have experienced trauma, multiple placements, separation from siblings, and the chronic stress of not knowing where they will be next week. Some have mental health diagnoses, substance use issues, or histories of behavior that scared off previous placements. The agency will tell you everything they know about the teen before you accept the placement. Read it carefully. Ask questions. Take 24-48 hours to think it over before saying yes. A good placement is one where you have eyes open about what you are taking on.

The federal Family First Prevention Services Act of 2018 made permanent supports for teens who age out of foster care without being adopted. If your teen turns 18 in your home, they can stay in extended foster care in most states until age 21, with state funding for housing, college, and case management. You can continue to be paid as the foster parent if they remain in your home. Many older foster parents choose this. They finish raising the teen, support them through college or trade school, and stay involved as the closest thing to a parent the young adult has. The relationship often lasts the rest of your life.

(Sources: Children's Bureau AFCARS Report 2024; Family First Prevention Services Act overview from Casey Family Programs; Annie E. Casey Foundation Jim Casey Youth Opportunities Initiative; National Foster Care Coalition teen placement data; AdoptUSKids teen recruitment campaign)