Older Foster Parents and Respite: Building a Backup Network

Respite is the licensed term for short-term care that gives a foster parent a break — a weekend, a week, sometimes longer. For foster parents over 60, respite is not a luxury, it is what makes the placement last. The National Foster Parent Association's 2024 survey of foster parents over 55 found that those who used scheduled respite at least once a quarter had a 73% lower rate of placement disruption compared to those who never used it. The math is straightforward: a rested foster parent is a more patient foster parent, and patience is what keeps a child in your home through the rough months.

There are three kinds of respite in the foster care system. And you want to know how to access all three. Licensed respite is the formal version: another fully licensed foster family takes the child for a defined period (a weekend, a week of summer vacation, ten days while you have surgery). The state pays both households a stipend for the days the child is at each home. Licensed respite providers go through the same training and home study you did, which means you can trust that the child is in a safe home. Most states require the agency to offer at least 14 days of respite per year, paid, as part of your foster parent benefits.

Informal respite is the second kind. Your adult son takes the foster child for a Saturday so you can attend a wedding. Your church friend picks the child up from school and watches them until 8 p.m. once a week. Informal respite does not require the helper to be licensed. But it does require approval from the agency in most states. Each state writes its own rule. In some states (Florida, Texas, Ohio), informal respite providers must pass a background check. In others (California, Massachusetts), the foster parent has discretion. Always ask your caseworker what is allowed in writing — never assume.

The third kind is paid childcare, which functions as daily respite. Foster children under age 13 are eligible for state-subsidized childcare through the federal Child Care and Development Block Grant. Many older foster parents use after-school programs, summer camps, or licensed in-home childcare to cover the four or five hours per day they need a break. The agency processes the childcare subsidy paperwork. You pay the provider, and the state reimburses you, usually within 30 days.

Building the network is something you do before the first placement, not after. During your home study, the social worker will ask who your support people are. Have a list ready: two or three adult family members or close friends who have agreed in writing to help, the name and phone number of your church or community group, the name of your primary care doctor, and the local respite care registry contact. After licensing, the agency will help you connect with other foster families in your area. Go to the monthly support group meetings. The relationships you build there become your respite network within six months.

One more thing older foster parents tell me consistently: the network keeps the placement going through your medical emergencies, not only routine breaks. A hip replacement, a heart procedure, a bout of pneumonia — these are real events at 65 or 70. If you have a respite network already in place, the child stays with people they know during your recovery. If you do not, the child gets moved to an emergency placement with strangers, and the trust you built can take months to rebuild. The network is the safety net for both of you.

(Sources: National Foster Parent Association 2024 Older Foster Parent Survey; Child Care and Development Block Grant program rules; ARCH National Respite Network and Resource Center; AARP foster and kinship care support guide; state foster parent handbooks for Florida, Texas, California, Ohio, and New York)